"Job postings be like:
Current opening for marketing associate. Must have at least 16 years of experience in the field but be under 30 years old and have a bachelors degree in particle physics with a minor in 16th century Chinese agricultural techniques. Must know microsoft office, photoshop, all methods of coding, how to swan dive with minimal splash, how to play the mandolin, and at least 3 forms of martial arts. It is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED that you participated in artistic gymnastics as a child and can balance a bucket of water on your head while walking backwards uphill. Special consideration will be given to those who can recite the Torah backwards while playing a kazoo.
Starting salary $10 an hour.”